Ask for help
Why asking for help is good for us (and others!)
We know that asking for help absolutely terrifies some people and that you may have a LOT of resistance to this. There can be heaps of unhelpful beliefs and thoughts that get in the way, for example, you might worry about being a burden, or feel that it is a sign of weakness or failure to ask for help.
In fact, the opposite is true! Asking for help is a really important part of resilience and wellbeing. As humans, we are wired to help each other. There is heaps of research now that shows that our relationships, and specifically the amount of support we give and receive, is the number one factor in living a long and healthy life.
This means that not only is it good for you to ask, but it’s good for other people’s wellbeing to be able to help you too!
You don’t have to know all the answers, figure it out on your own, or do it all on your own. It’s okay (and helpful!) to ask for help.
How do I ask for help?
If asking for help feels really hard for you, try going through the following steps:
See asking for help as a learnable skill that can become more comfortable with practice.
Identify one part of your life that feels challenging at the moment.
Consider what practical help or emotional support could help (if you don’t know the answer to this, move on to step 4).
Consider who could help in terms of their skills, knowledge, experience or personality.
Directly ask for the help you would like.
If you have resistance to step 5, try to notice what thoughts and feelings come up for you. Practice self-compassion and try seeing the act of asking for help as courageous self-compassion.
If this person isn’t able to help, go back to step 3 or 4.
Asking for help can go a long way as an act of self-love.